Maybe that’s all we’re ever gonna be. Maybe that’s all we ever were.
9th December 2018 Sunday
9:17PM
Help me please, it’s getting harder and harder to go through each and every day, every minute, every moment. I want ‘out’, I am tired, very tired, I have no desire to fight, no reason to carry on, hope was long dead anyway.
All my nights are filled with pain and regret, in most of my dreams I feel like loosing someone or failing in IIT, other times, I see people dying, like some not so close friend having his head split open in an accident, sister dying from some terminal disease or dad is sick and going through hospitals, until I wake up only to realise he already is.
Some stretch of nights I can hardly sleep for 4 -5 hours and then wake up to realise all the shit. In my happy dreams, I just see my past crushes and then wake up to realise that it was just a dream, she never knew any such guy existed.
All I have done is loose in life, be it exams or dreams or girls I have fallen for. All I have done is run from responsibilities, running away from who I am, never did anything for the people who believed in me, always let them down, over and over again.
All I wanted was little happiness, little time with her, but I guess people like me don’t deserve it, we are cursed, cursed to live in this fucking sad and miserable life, to die alone. Atleast, won’t be a fucking burden on family anymore and would stop letting people down.
Sometimes, false hope is better than no hope, atleast you have something to wake up for next day. I’m gonna see her again tomorrow and it’s gonna hurt like hell, over and over and over again. There’s a point in life when you don’t wanna carry on and then comes, when you don’t know if you can carry on.
I’m past “everything’s falling apart” it already has and frankly I don’t care. At times I just want to forget her and at times I just want to see her one more time.
Came across this line from BoJack Horseman, “you were right. I don’t love you, you don’t love me, we’re just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less. Maybe that’s all we’re ever gonna be. Maybe that’s all we ever were.”
