Que sera sera

2nd Jan 2025

And i moved to hostel last couple of days because nothing helped, I just couldn’t stop thinking about Lila and it just felt so… sad, I came back on 31st and I guess hostel stay helped a bit.

Some things I wrote during the time, this was more like a song in my head

lila, i was hoping we could talk
and if you would ask me about what,
I would say — i don’t wanna lie, i just wanna sit and see you for a minute
i don’t have the words to tell you how i feel, and i’m too lost to pursue you
but i know i’d feel better if i could just look at you for a moment
i don’t know what my future holds, i know i had bad past, lost the things i dreamt of, people that i loved,
so i live in present, don’t care about the future anymore, que sera sera…
so i would ask again
lila, i’m really hoping we can talk

And you know how we wish for things, the stupid little things, I was never really a sort of guy to wish for things, I have little in my life and I’m very content with the things and people i have, I never wished for more but then the stupid heart has it’s own desires. So here are the wishes I have or had, i know it’s meaningless but that’s just how it is.

wish i was…
wish i knew all the papa & mama bear stories to tell you, i know how much you love em,
wish i could bring you more gifts,
wish i brought you more pink flowers,
wish i could get you all the bags you ever liked,
wish i could make your team feel like friends,
wish i could sing all the little airport songs to you
wish i could make you hot pots,
wish i could give you better memories,
wish i could make you a home, wish i could be your home
wish i could tell you how pretty you are, wish i could tell you how much i adore you
wish i could tell you, you’ll always have my heart,..
wish i was stronger to keep you safe
wish i was handsome to stand next to you,
wish i could be with you
wish i was… a better man for you
wish i was… a better man to you