What make’s this fragile world go around?
So I came back to office around 2:30PM and while entering I saw this girl Zeba. I saw her in cafeteria couple of weeks back, she looked pretty and we both were waiting for our order, so I said ‘hey’ and started talking, we crossed few times later here and there in office and small conversations, like how was your week, what tv series you watch, sorta. She’s pretty but it’s not like I’m attracted to her, I don’t have that sort of feeling for her. It’s just that, I guess I can really use someone to talk to. At times, it’s difficult for me to ask some girl or do this stuff because part of brain just keeps thinking about N some of it feels like cheating, then I have to convince myself, no it’s not, go do that, even when I have no hope anywhere.
So I pinged her today and asked her for coffee and she replied something “sorry, I don’t drink tea or coffee” I didn’t get it, did she want me to convince her or was I troubling her and she’s politely asking me to back off? So I replied “beer then :D Zeba sorry if I’m pestering you but it would mean a lot to me if we could talk sometime, it’s okay though, sorry”
Another rejection of the day which hurt a bit, I mean why does this keep happening, am I just ugly or creepy looking or what? And for job interviews, this was like my 18th interview, so I’m literally technically dumb too. I mean all I was asking was just a cup of coffee or couple of minutes to talk to, what does she have to worry about, what’s the worse that could happen? that I might bore her or she might not have liked me, I mean why I don’t even deserve a chance?
I’m like 28 and not even once it has happened that I liked a girl and I asked her for coffee and she would have she said yes? It never even starts, I mean what the fuck dude? It’s really disheartening, every single time and it’s not like job interview rejections, something that you get used to. As for Zeba, what was I thinking anyway. Maybe I was impatient, fuck, I shouldn’t have done that. I have to travel to native, that’s another mess, .
Although by the time of publishing this (10th March Tuesday 2:27PM) other things happened
I came back to office around a week later, that day I saw her near elevator and I intentionally didn’t say hi or waived at her because I wasn’t sure if I’m bothering her but then she said ‘hi’ and asked ‘haven’t seen you from couple of days’. So I told her, ‘I went to native to attend a wedding’ and asked her ‘how you’ve been, how’s work?’ She said ‘same old boring’. Then elevator came and I came to my floor.
Later that day I pinged her a playlist of some funny clips, saying “something for her boring life” she didn’t reply back. It’s okay, doesn’t bother me. Next day she was in the elevator which I got into and she was holding a coffee cup so I said, ‘so she does drink coffee’ and she burst out laughing ‘no no, it’s just warm water, see!’ I asked her ‘hey! did you like the playlist’ she said ‘yes, yes, that was good, thanks’ she was still laughing.
2–3 days later again I pinged her “hey, do you wanna go for a walk maybe sometime?” again she didn’t reply, she did come online so I knew that she saw it. Anyway so I waited sometime and dropped a message saying “oh boy! that’s embarrassing” and that’s that, I’m just gonna leave her alone. From then we never clashed at any place either, doesn’t matter.
