Way out of my league
18th October 2018 Thursday
I don’t think it’s about her, it’s more like I get these small burst of lonely feelings throughout the day. I guess I should be with someone, just a girl with whom I can share my feelings and maybe talk my heart out.
Woke up around 10, thought will go to office but then I got too late in gym, so I skipped office altogether. Well, not just because I was late, moreover because I was afraid that if I see her today I might again go in that low zone.
Even after I didn’t do anything productive, overall it was an okay day. Still not sure about what colleges to apply to, or if I should even go for master’s. And it’s not like job me he kuch ukhaad rahe hain(achieved nothing in job either) So no idea where and what I am gonna end up in future. But trying not to think all that, basically trying not to think at all.
There are another momentary things which kinda bug me, looks, hair fall. It has kinda shot my self confidence. No matter what people say but everyone judges you on physical appearances, it’s more of a subconscious thing. And she may not like me for one of these reasons. It’s not like I can do much about it either. Anyway, it’s a different spin all-together.
But at times I wonder, how smart and good looking her guy would be, I may never be like him. He might be like a tall guy with well built physique, dashing looks, may be super talented or rich, maybe more mature, understanding and caring kinda guy. I mean a girl like her can easily be with such a guy and she deserves it too. Whereas a guy like me, she’s way out of my league, I don’t think I will ever be with someone like her, at least not in this life.
Well, what’s there is there, I do what I can, at the moment I miss mom, my sister and kinda her too. It’s not like I am very close to mom but it feels kinda ok if she’s around.
