Zima Blue
18th March 2019 Monday
And I don’t know what it is.. how to explain this,.
I went to office and it was all good like a normal day but I don’t know what happened, as soon as I got in, suddenly this feeling kicked in, this depressing feeling with overwhelming thoughts of her. Left from there and went to a different floor, sat there for some time, went for lunch, thinking going out may help, still I couldn’t shake that feeling so booked a cab and came back home eventually.
How long is this gonna go on, why am I so screwed up all the time just thinking about her.
It gets sad, like I should be doing productive tasks, reading things, learning stuff rather I’m stuck in this crap, missing her. Pissing over my parent’s efforts and sacrifices, sitting and wasting time thinking about some girl. But how can you expect me to focus and do something when half my mind is there, sad for her. It’s not something I can help, although I’m trying to.
And then comes the praying “oh! God help me please”, what “help” I don’t know, I’m loosing my sense, meaning of this life. I just don’t want to be so sad, lonely and miserable all the time. I really do like her, I really do.
(was listening this in the cab on way back home)
19th March 2019 Tuesday
And I am back to waking up every morning with thoughts of her flooding my head, contemplating all I could have done differently, thinking of all I can say to her to make her understand.
Then I say, “it’s okay, it’s ok.”
And the worst part is, I didn’t loose her because of anything she did, I lost her because of my immaturity and stupidity, can’t blame it on anyone else.
Her memories etched in my psyche and she wouldn’t even look at me. There’s this apologetic feeling all the time, asking her to give me one more chance, just one more time. Voice in my head saying “please don’t leave me, I will do anything to make you stay” every time I see her. But then it’s not like she was ever by my side to begin with.
After all “She’s my Zima Blue”
Why do we always want people who don’t want us.
